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Post by copperhead on Mar 16, 2009 14:06:31 GMT -5
So, tell me, how do you deal with your aging parent(s)?
My mother lived here in town for several years and recently moved next door to my brother & his wife. Although I'm not quite as involved in the day-to day stuff, I receive all sorts of interesting calls from her. She has health problems. I know that her time is limited. Mind you, she's still driving & looking after herself. She'll probably be around for a couple of years yet (I think).
Has anyone here dealt with something similar & how did you "wrap your head" around it?
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Post by bret on Mar 16, 2009 14:24:26 GMT -5
When I get aggravated by old people or aging I just consider the alternative.
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Post by emanon on Mar 16, 2009 14:25:32 GMT -5
Yeah, I don't know either, Copper. I can see my mom shrinking daily, it seems. She is so puny now, more forgetful. But like yours, still does her own stuff. I lost my dad 15 years ago, he was young - it was awful, but different than seeing somebody deteriorate. He did deteriorate, but from cancer from cigarettes, and it was quick. It is much different seeing somebody deteriorate from age.
I don't really know how to deal with it, either.
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Post by Laura Rice on Mar 16, 2009 14:36:29 GMT -5
So, tell me, how do you deal with your aging parent(s)? My mother lived here in town for several years and recently moved next door to my brother & his wife. Although I'm not quite as involved in the day-to day stuff, I receive all sorts of interesting calls from her. She has health problems. I know that her time is limited. Mind you, she's still driving & looking after herself. She'll probably be around for a couple of years yet (I think). Has anyone here dealt with something similar & how did you "wrap your head" around it? My husband's parents both came down with terminal cancer within 6 months apart. My husband actually lived with them for 4 months and took care of them but after my MIL died my FIL moved in with us and I took leave from work and took care of him his last 3 months alive. It was hard to watch but when push comes to shove you just do what comes to you and pay close attention to what the doctor says. I also had great aunt that had numerous health issues. My dad was her executor and medical POA but he traveled alot during her last year alive and I took care of her shopping needs and her doctor visits and such until she went into the nursing home. After that I visited her at least twice a week to make sure she was getting what she needed and near the end to go feed her meals.
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Post by tnwaltz on Mar 16, 2009 15:15:28 GMT -5
i lived 6 hours away when my parents got sick...
think it's hard when they live next door...? try managing it from a distance while working full time.
the neighbors were gifted to me by God himself, i swear it... if not for their help during the week, i don't know what we would have done... i would have had to fo on FMLA leave... we probably would have lost our house for lack of income.
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Post by trueblue on Mar 16, 2009 16:34:48 GMT -5
I looked after my mom and dad. My father suffered from Alzheimer's disease and at night the memories of what happened in the past haunted him. He would yell for help all hours of the night. It was very hard to deal with, but I wouldn't send him to a nursing home. It was only when my mom had a heart attack and his yelling in the night was causing stress and harm to her that I had to find a good nursing home for him. It broke my heart. What angers me is that I have other brothers and sisters and not one came forward to help our father out. He died a few months after he moved into a nursing home. I've looked after my mom for years. She always had trouble walking due to arthritis in her hips. She was always able to walk with help from a walker, but in 1993 she became an invalid and totally immobile. I had to learn how to care for her. She had numerous health problems ranging from heart disease to diabetes. It was only when she was put on a blood thinner and her blood had to be monitored on a daily basis that the doctor told me she needed special care. It was the hardest thing for me to do but I had to do it. She lived the last 2 years of her life in a long term care facility. I have to admit it was a very nice one, but it wan't home and she missed being home.
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Post by tnwaltz on Mar 16, 2009 17:01:17 GMT -5
my brother was no help either, angel... he was only around when it came time to pick up a check for his half of the estate.
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Post by bignana on Mar 16, 2009 18:22:35 GMT -5
My Dad has been dead for 39 years so it is just Mom now. Mom will be 82 this year. She has COPD and is on oxygen 27/7. There are times I want to just scream when dealing with her but I have to keep telling myself that she is just like a child. She still lives by herself but she does not drive. When she has doctor appointments or needs to go to the grocery store or some where else my brother and I will take her. I had to take her check book away from her about 2 years ago because she would spend all her money at the first of the month and then not have any left for medicines at the end of the month. I have more patience with her than my brother but it can still be trying. My brother cuts her grass and does all repairs for her, but she will tell people that her kids do nothing for her. I am blessed that I have my brother helping too. Folks that their Mom has passed tell me they wished they still had their Mom. I do realize that when she passes I will miss her a lot.
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Post by copperhead on Mar 17, 2009 8:44:46 GMT -5
I've noticed that I do miss seeing my mom on her weekly trips into town to see the doctor. She'd come by my office & I'd take her to lunch. She'd even run by the learning center & see my little guy. Now I just need to get the travelling car in good repair to take the kids to see her.
She knows that she's got it good. She has a propensity to whine & gripe, though, that gets under our skin. Fortunately, I learned how to deal with her when she was here. My brother & his wife get to learn how to communicate with her now.
Thanks, guys, for your input & support. ;D
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Post by tnwaltz on Mar 17, 2009 9:32:32 GMT -5
i think the whining and griping are just part of old age... so, copper... how far away is she now that she's moved...?
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Post by CoffeeShooter on Mar 17, 2009 10:02:30 GMT -5
Yesterday was one year since my mother's death. I feel like I've been in a time warp for the past 3 years. First my FIL, then my mom. My dad is still up and about. He plays golf regularly and drives himself everywhere. Frankly, his eyesight is failing but no way will he ever stop driving. I've refused to ride with him for a while now. No sense in both of us being killed. He is 100% dominant in all of his relationships so there is nothing any of his 5 children can do to steer him in the right direction. He ha as a GF now and that completely blows my mind. She is the needy type too. They are always secretive, she's always in crisis .. it isn't a good situation. She's several years younger than him too. He is smitten.
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Post by tnshecat on Mar 17, 2009 10:18:42 GMT -5
Lost my Mom Feb.1, 2000 to breast cancer. She was only 66. We were all (Dad, brother and me) right there when she died. It is very hard to watch someone you love so much become so sick and frail.
My Dad is 77 and can run circles around me! He is coming home tomorrow from France and I can't wait to see him. He has spent the week with my brother and the morning emails just aren't the same as picking up the phone and talking to him.
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Post by copperhead on Mar 17, 2009 11:45:52 GMT -5
i think the whining and griping are just part of old age... so, copper... how far away is she now that she's moved...? 2 1/2 hours or so. And really, she's whined & griped for as far back as I can remember. Now, though, she has a real reason for it. She at least asks for information & ideas of how to handle her medical problems. That, I can handle. It's what I do.
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Post by tnwaltz on Mar 17, 2009 12:04:25 GMT -5
well... you and the kids will just have to go on an "over the river and through the woods" adventure.
make it all about your mom... like a picnic now that it's going to be nice outside.
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