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Post by sugarcane on Aug 23, 2008 7:16:50 GMT -5
Who's for it and who is against it? Do you spank your kids? Are your kids such angels that you've never had to spank them? What's the skinny? The party is officially started.
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Post by AP Mommy on Aug 23, 2008 7:56:11 GMT -5
I have done extensive studies on spankings and know the effect it has on children. Not only does it make them feel unloved but it teaches them that violence is the answer.
Not sure if this is a serious question but I encourage you to do some research and think of how it felt when you were hit as a child.
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Post by kalgirl on Aug 23, 2008 8:01:34 GMT -5
I can only speak from my personal experience as a child and believe me, there was no "spare the rod, spoil the child" in our household. Sometimes I think my father went to far with it (had a barber belt for those rare occasions I was super bad) but, overall, I think I turned out fine. I think there needs to be more of some type of discipline with today's youth. I see alot of disrespect & in some instances, a lack of morales. I have also observed an attitude of entitlement instead of being taught to earn. IMHO this comes from a lack of discipline.
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Post by Fredo on Aug 23, 2008 9:19:45 GMT -5
Every time I see this debate, someone seems to argue against corporal punishment due to some confusion about the difference between a spanking and a beating. I think it's safe to assume that we're all opposed to the kind of physical punishment that results in bruising, broken skin, severe pain and permanent injury. Both Mrs. Fredo and I are in favor of limited corporal punishment. It's like the nuclear option of household discipline. It should be employed only when all other options have failed. I can see the opposition's point that it is of limited effectiveness, but limited effectiveness only enforces the idea of limited use. In my childhood, I probably got a round a half dozen spankings. Some with the hand or hairbrush and a couple with the belt. More frequent employment of the method would, very likely, have led to a decrease in effectiveness. The idea that the occasional spanking leads to violent adult is not only short sighted, but silly. It's more likely that violent adults spring from undisciplined children. On guests: Guest posting is allowed on the "Family and Children" board. Some of us can use all the help we can get.
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Post by raphael on Aug 23, 2008 9:56:31 GMT -5
I may have spanked mine 3 or 4 times at the most. All we ever had to do was go boo and they would cry. The timeout thingy and trying to devert their attention isn't working IMO.
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Post by The Spanker on Aug 23, 2008 10:22:36 GMT -5
Spare the rod, spoil the child!
There needs to be better discipline now a days.
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Post by AP Mommy on Aug 23, 2008 15:18:49 GMT -5
I agree children seem to show a lack of respect these days but what do you expect when their mothers are formula feeding and leaving them alone in their cribs to cry at night? All so they can work to afford more Gymboree clothes.
The lack of respect from children is just a reflection of how little is shown to them.
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Post by CoreMom on Aug 23, 2008 19:46:06 GMT -5
My philosophy: spank first, ask questions later.
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Post by misinglink on Aug 23, 2008 20:23:56 GMT -5
I seriously doubt that any child has been mentally warped from a good swat or two on the rear.
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Post by copperhead on Aug 23, 2008 21:16:25 GMT -5
I've rarely spanked my preteen. The toddler, well, he's a different story. I'm using as many alternative methods as I can...even took a parenting class in June to get more "tools" for my toolbox. Less swats on the rear are taking place. The timer receives more of a workout than my hand. Corporeal punishment was harsh and often excessive in my household of origin. It was a lack of self-control pure & simple. The only thing I ever learned was how to not get caught. My only thought while this was happening was, when I get to be bigger than you, I'm going to hit you back. God made me smaller than my parents for a reason, I guess (he certainly has a sense of humor!). I CHOSE to not become violent. My inspiration for how NOT to parent was by watching my parents. AP mommy, do watch your generalizations. I have always worked full-time, out of necessity. I provided mother's milk exclusively to one child for six months (while working full-time at night in a hospital) but had to provide formula to the younger child due to other health concerns. My children are among the sweetest you'll meet - even my rambuctious toddler. My preteen is one of the best-behaved young ladies of her age. Oh, and she was dressed in second-hand Gymboree clothing when she was little. Oh please. Let's not make this another "mommy war." It's about the parenting, not just mothering and the investment of time and love you have to put into the process.
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Post by Superman on Aug 23, 2008 22:06:00 GMT -5
I agree children seem to show a lack of respect these days but what do you expect when their mothers are formula feeding and leaving them alone in their cribs to cry at night? All so they can work to afford more Gymboree clothes. The lack of respect from children is just a reflection of how little is shown to them. What in the hell are you freaking talking about?
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Post by atticflea on Aug 23, 2008 22:20:25 GMT -5
I can count on one hand how many times I've spanked my two kids (girl age 12, boy 9). Actually I've only really spanked my son once for spitting on his sister. I felt awful afterword... for a minute or two. The other times I would just consider as "getting their attention". I much prefer to sit with them calmly but with sternness and let know of the consequences of their future actions. I think my kids are alright... for now.
P.S. My lovely bride, reading over my shoulder, would like for me to add that she is same way!
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Post by slobberchops on Aug 24, 2008 12:21:18 GMT -5
I agree children seem to show a lack of respect these days but what do you expect when their mothers are formula feeding and leaving them alone in their cribs to cry at night? All so they can work to afford more Gymboree clothes. The lack of respect from children is just a reflection of how little is shown to them. What in the hell are you freaking talking about? I think there is some truth to what she's saying... The lack of respect from children is just a reflection of how little is shown to them. But, I also think that rule applies in regards to lying and social manners as well. Your child will lie to you on average -- as many times as you have lied to them. I've never been dishonest with my kids.. from the get go, it's been STRAIGHT UP! Of course, it started out in kiddy terms.. according to their reasoning level, but now it's progressing into young adult conversations. BTW, I love Dr.Spock. (the elder) I recommend that book to all new parents. No parent is born a pro.. and everyday is trial and error. My damn dog ate parts of my book when my first child was about 5. But often I would refer to it, on issues that I wasn't sure of. Especially with crying at night, colic -- and discipline. I dont have any living grandparents to seek advice from... and I was not about to go with the way I was raised. LMAO! -- not that I didn't turn out okay, just that I wanted a little better or "more involvement" - for my kids. ;D Dont we all, though?
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Post by sugarcane on Aug 24, 2008 14:09:08 GMT -5
So you don't spank your kids, your son is uncircumsized, and your children are vegans?
Dr. Spock gave plenty of wise parenting advice including telling parents to trust themselves. However, of the generation of kids that came up under parents employing his advice, how did we end up with so many druggies, criminals, and mentally disturbed people?
I have read that Dr. Spock didn't even follow his own advice with his children.
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Post by misinglink on Aug 24, 2008 14:47:49 GMT -5
I suspect that parents were actually responsible for their children in Dr. Spock's time. Today there are many parents that teach their children to live off welfare, disability etc. then there are the spoiled brats that are allowed to always "express" themselves, given everything and demand more.Somewhere in the middle are the kids that have parents that still actually raise their children. In all cases a swat on the behind or a smack of the hand of a toddler should not be considered as abuse but as a learning tool. One has to go no further than to listen to the parent .
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Post by CoffeeShooter on Aug 24, 2008 15:36:19 GMT -5
If I could go back in time the first thing I would do is not to have "smacked" my daughters hands when she was toddling around. She was trying to grab at some chess pieces on the coffee table while her dad & me were playing. She was about 2 at the time. It broke her heart. I'll never forget doing the look on her face. I should have stopped the game and distracted her. I never did it again. I'll also never forget the time she called me a bitch standing in the parking lot of her high school when I caught her skipping class to hang out with her friends at UTC. I smacked her in the face !! That was the only time I ever did that. We were both standing there shocked!! Then she started laughing at me. grrr.... We both laugh at it now. She said my expression was priceless after I did it. Damn teenagers will bring out the beast in me every time.
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Post by AP Mommy on Aug 24, 2008 15:59:03 GMT -5
Missinglink, how can you say on the one hand that there is soooo much poor parenting and on the other say ALL of these people should spank or swat their children? Why do we want kids listening to them at all costs?
Bad discipline leads to bad behavior and lack of respect, no matter what the method. I certainly don't want those kids that were hit out of anger and frustration thinking it's okay to do the same to my children. Or acting out as adults because they didn't learn any better.
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Post by misinglink on Aug 24, 2008 17:53:02 GMT -5
I am not suggesting that everyone should spank their child. I am saying that just because a child gets a swat. they will not end up mentally harmed. Nowhere in my post does it mention anger or frustration. You chose those words. Whether it be a swat, a time out or what ever punishment is to teach right from wrong. There are no experts....only opinions.
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Post by AP Mommy on Aug 24, 2008 18:40:47 GMT -5
Was I wrong to assume that by you saying this…
Today there are many parents that teach their children to live off welfare, disability etc. then there are the spoiled brats that are allowed to always "express" themselves, given everything and demand more.Somewhere in the middle are the kids that have parents that still actually raise their children. In all cases a swat on the behind or a smack of the hand of a toddler should not be considered as abuse but as a learning tool. One has to go no further than to listen to the parent .
You were implying that all children (including the ones on welfare and the expressive, indulged, spoiled brats) would benefit from a spanking? By who? The parent that's already using ineffective discipline methods? I bet they'd be doing a lot of hitting out of anger and frustration.
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Post by atticflea on Aug 24, 2008 21:55:32 GMT -5
In all cases a swat on the behind or a smack of the hand of a toddler should not be considered as abuse but as a learning tool. Does this statement imply "spanking"? I feel quite confident in my comprehension of the difference between a "swat on the behind" and a "spanking".
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Post by AP Mommy on Aug 25, 2008 0:05:25 GMT -5
Swatting, smacking, spanking, hitting, tomato, tomahto. This is a thread about spanking so they all apply, except for the vegetables. Or are they fruits?
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Post by 502blue on Aug 25, 2008 7:17:02 GMT -5
I have never spanked my children, it was just never warranted. Swat on the butt occasionally to catch their attention. Thru the years, they learned about "earning" privilages and respect, I only now and again want to choke them My daughter will toe the line and every now and again , step across it. My son, is now learning, he really is bigger than me and is testing his manhood. Since I am with my kids alot, when work or something they have going on doesn't interfer, I know my kids well, and know what "items" or "privilages" to take away to get them to learn. Plus, when you are out and about with them, pointing out other kids behaviors and showing them how other parents react, teaches them alot. I have seen instances where a child is getting beat, and have called the police. Some parents don't understand , you can't take your child everywhere and expect them to behave. A two/three year old doesn't want to watch you shopping for clothes for an hour. My best pat on the the back is having the teachers tell my what good students they are, and other people tell me how well they are behaved when they are away from me If they act up a little at home, I don't get upset about it.
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Post by Fredo on Aug 25, 2008 12:36:34 GMT -5
FYI folks, Dr. Spock has been discredited for years. Even he doesn't believe that stuff any longer.
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Post by rumpleteaser on Aug 25, 2008 13:14:05 GMT -5
FYI folks, Dr. Spock has been discredited for years. Even he doesn't believe that stuff any longer. I thought that guy was dead.
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Post by 502blue on Aug 25, 2008 14:00:30 GMT -5
He also had a child that commited suicide I believe (Bret, go google that)
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